As a Black mother, one of our most important jobs is to raise strong daughters who can confidently thrive in the world. This is no easy task, especially with the particular challenges Black girls face in today’s society. Studies show that Black girls are more likely to experience depression, anxiety, and lower self-esteem than their white peers. However, by being intentional in how we parent, we can equip our daughters to overcome adversity. Here are 5 research-backed tips, and some just from my experience to date, to help raise resilient, empowered Black girls.
I want to raise strong daughters. And I say that from a place of knowing that I’m square in the midst of the raising process. I have three little beautiful Black girls. A 14-year-old daughter with special needs, a 12-year-old daughter, and a 9-year-old daughter.
I wouldn’t say I’m an expert at how to raise strong daughters but I do feel good about some things, and others need some work. Let’s learn and do it together in this post.
Table of Contents
Promote Positive Racial Identity: Embrace Being a “Black” Girl
According to a study done by Janine Jones and published in Psychology in Schools, Black girls who have a strong sense of racial pride and knowledge of their heritage tend to have higher self-esteem and performed better in various societal settings, one being at school.
As mothers, we must instill in our daughters a positive sense of their Black identity. Teach them about inspirational Black heroes and heroines. Expose them to African culture through food, dance, festivals, and more.
Now, wait before you say well being “Black” and being “African” are two different things, for this purpose let that simply be semantics. I don’t know if you’ve ever taken an ancestry test, but we all have some roots tracing back to the motherland.
Outside of African culture, embrace all that is Black culture too. The cultural flavorings of Hip Hop, the Black Church, and Black history makers in many categories. Our rhythm, soul, learned survival, all of it is valid for embracing.
Most importantly, tell them they are beautiful, smart, and worthy just the way they are. Celebrate all shades of blackness.
Cultivate Community: Get surrounded by a Black Girl/Black Woman Tribe
Because Black women have a history of relying on each other for support, developing your daughter’s “kitchen table” (In the words of Michelle Obama). As she grows into teen and adulthood years she’ll create her own circle of friends, but I believe we play a role now. Surround her with other positive, uplifting Black women – aunts, mentors, family friends.
Join Black mother-daughter groups where she can see you bonding with other Black moms.
Also, consider Black Greek letter organizations which provide sisterhood and service opportunities. Now this one isn’t for everyone.
I myself am a member of Alpha Kappa Alpha sorority and am currently not an active member but know that when they are of age, should my girls be in a position where they don’t have a tribe of women that look like them, in their corner, sororities can provide that sense of sounding board, and strength.
Knowing she has a strong community backing her will give your daughter confidence.
Raise Strong Daughters by Discussing Racism Openly: Transparency Builds Her Resilience
While we want to shield our daughters from negativity, trying to pretend racism doesn’t exist helps no one. At appropriate ages, have candid conversations about what racism is, how it manifests itself both overtly and subtly, and how to handle racial bullying or discrimination.
Teach your daughter it’s never her fault. Role-play responses so she builds resilience when facing racist acts. Let her know you’ve got her back and she has the power to stand up to injustice.
I have a saying I used to say to my girls often before they left for school and it was “You are bold, you are beautiful, you are courageous, you are smart.” And I think it’s that bold part that’s so key to who they become. We have to allow our daughters to step into their boldness by being transparent with the hard stuff.
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Nurture Mental Health: Your Daughter’s Feelings Are Real
According to the CDC, persistent feelings of sadness and hopelessness in youth is on the rise across the board. As such, establishing open communication about emotions and modeling healthy self-care is extremely important.
There’s one question that has become a staple in our house. Hopefully not too much of a staple that it loses it’s effectiveness. And that is, “How are you feeling?”
A simple statement, and mommas I know it’s hard sometimes for us to slow down and just truly engage, and listen, but just like you and I feel they do too.
Make discussing mental health normalized, not taboo. Raise strong daughters by teaching coping strategies like journaling, exercising, or confiding in trusted friends. Seek professional counseling if needed. Show through your example that taking care of their mental health makes them strong.
A goal on my list is to model this further, by getting my own therapist simply as a regular part of self-care and exposing them to the fact that, that’s okay, and it’s taking care of “you.”
Raise Strong Daughters By Empowering Her Voice
The world will try to make Black girls small, unseen, and silent. That’s why empowering your daughter to use her voice is critical. We raise strong daughters by teaching them to speak up boldly and confidently in school, in leadership roles, and in other spaces where Black girls are underrepresented.
Praise her when she shows initiative. Push her to try out for a team or run for student government. Cheer the loudest at her games, plays, and academic events. Let her know that her voice and talents deserve to be shared with the world.
Teach Financial Literacy
As she gets older, help her open bank accounts, and learn how to do financial transactions in stores and online. Learn how to make investments. Discuss debt, borrowing, and compound interest. Knowledge about personal finance will serve her well throughout life.
It’s never too early for this, right now, two of my daughters, Lori, 9, and Nilah, 12 have their own Cash app cards and have learned how to manage the money in their account, complete their own purchases online, and offline, and overall be responsible and understand the value of money.
And just a little bonus momma, the better they get at this, the more independence it sparks in them, and more relief and freedom for you 🙂 Let’s raise strong daughters that are independent…YES!
Raise Strong Daughters by Inspiring Healthy Self-Image
With Eurocentric beauty standards pressuring girls to alter their looks, instilling your daughter with body pride is crucial. Compliment her natural hair and features. Display diverse images of beauty. Discourage comparisons with others.
Keep tabs on her social media intake. This is a big one, my 12-year-old is a YouTuber, and our agreement is that the comments remain turned off. Now unfortunately not all social media platforms have this feature. But, it’s little things like this we can do to protect and allow them to make their own interpretations of who they are and what they bring to the world
Promote women who embrace natural beauty or are intentional and transparent about their beauty choices. Most importantly, let’s raise strong daughters by being role models and exuding self-love and confidence in our own skin.
Develop Grit and Resilience
As a Black girl, your daughter will inevitably face setbacks and closed doors. That’s why nurturing grit and resilience is key. Praise efforts over perfect results. Allow her to fail safely, then try again.
Share stories of times you overcame adversity. This is sometimes hard for us, as we paint of picture of having everything together “as a mom should.” But show it, tell it, she’s learning from you.
Avoid rescuing her from every challenge – let her problem-solve. Your support will empower her to persist through life’s obstacles.
Make Time for Joy and Self-Care
Between school, extracurriculars, and societal pressures, Black girls often overload themselves and neglect self-care. That’s why prioritizing joy is so important.
And a quick public service announcement: This whole “joy” thing has to be at the top of our list too. Again, yes we can and will raise strong daughters, but we must be willing to understand that our own growth on this life journey is and can evolve too.
Make time for her passions – whether singing, skating, coding, or anything that lights her up inside. Model healthy self-care like exercise, nutritious eating, journaling, and relaxing bubble baths. Teach her that taking care of her spirit is strength, not weakness. Her mental health and happiness matter.
Raise Strong Daughters by Supporting Her Dreams
Ask your daughter about her hopes, interests, and aspirations. Then help her map out steps to pursue her dreams, and provide resources to get there. If college is her goal, assist with applications for scholarships. If she wants to be an artist, get her art supplies or enroll her in classes. Raise strong daughters by being supportive.
If she dreams of starting a business, connect her with mentors and teen entrepreneur programs. Your belief in her dreams, no matter how big, will empower your daughter to achieve anything she sets her mind to!
This is not always easy I know, because it takes time. The time that you’ll have to commit to making sure she gets to her practices, rehearsals, games, lessons you name it.
I’ve been guilty of hoping that my daughters will forget about wanting to get involved in certain activities because of the time commitment it would require from me. But that’s selfishness we have to sometimes put to the side for her best interest.
Frequently Asked Questions
How can I teach my daughter about black history?
Expose your daughter to books, movies, and activities that highlight the achievements of Black historical figures. Take her to museums or historical sites that focus on Black history. During Black History Month in February, emphasize learning about lesser-known but impactful people and events. Knowing about her heritage will instill pride.
My daughter is starting to face racism. How do I help her?
Experiencing racism can negatively impact mental health. Let your daughter share her feelings without judgment. Assure her you believe her experiences and racism is never acceptable. Role play ways to address racism assertively but safely. Seek counseling if she experiences depression or trauma. Your support is critical during this challenging time.
How can I keep tabs on my daughter’s social media activity?
Social media can expose girls to bullying, inappropriate content, and pressure to grow up too fast. Instead of policing her accounts, have open conversations about what she’s experiencing online. Follow or friend her so you can see her posts. Set age-appropriate guidelines for privacy settings and screen time. Teach her to be smart about what she shares while letting her know you’ve got her back.
My daughter is really shy. How can I bring her out of her shell?
Look for activities tailored to quieter kids that will allow her to shine, like book clubs or coding classes. Arrange get-togethers with just one or two other girls versus big groups. Role play speaking up in social settings. Compliment her when she shows initiative. Let her know there’s no one way to be social. Focus on building her confidence over time.
As we raise strong daughters it may be difficult but necessary work. While racism and sexism still exist, empowering our girls with pride in their identity, supportive communities, coping skills, and confident voices will equip them to shatter glass ceilings.
Now, more than ever, our daughters need to know they have the strength and power to be whoever they want to be. By following these tips, we can overcome society’s limitations and raise the next generation of Black girl magic.
Momma, I’m talking to you. We can and will raise strong daughters.
Our daughters are worth it!
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